David looked at me with exasperation: “I know they mean well. But I don’t want to answer another question.”
He meant his kind parents. I only know most clients through a working
relationship. But I know David through a long friendship with his Dad. We both know his
Dad is a really nice guy, and his mom is equally kind.
“What do you want to do?” That seems like a softball question. But it is actually tension-filled because there is no easy answer.
When your child was younger, the next step was usually clear.
Finish elementary school. Move through middle school. Graduate from high school. Go to college.
Now your son or daughter is twenty-two, twenty-five, or twenty-eight. They may have a degree, a job they dislike, several interests, or no clear direction. You see their abilities. You also see time passing.
Naturally, you ask: “What is your plan?”
It is a reasonable question. But it may be larger than the question your young adult can usefully answer.
Why “What is your plan?” can lead nowhere
Consider what we sometimes ask young adults to decide all at once.
What work will suit you? Where should you live? How will you support yourself?
I have a giant advantage: I am not the parent. Those sub-questions – even if asked tactfully – are often interpreted as loaded with judgment.
Many adults with decades of experience would struggle to provide confident answers.
A young adult may interpret “What is your plan?” as a request to resolve all of those uncertainties before taking action. When they cannot, they may become defensive, offer vague reassurance, or avoid the conversation.
Your adult child’s silence or shrug is understandably viewed as indifference. Sometimes it reflects avoidance or insufficient effort. Sometimes the young person cares deeply but does not know how to turn concern into a useful decision.
The distinction matters because each situation calls for a different response.
A person who is exploring seriously needs room to learn. A person who is repeatedly postponing action needs clearer expectations. Neither benefits much from having the same frustrated conversation every Sunday.
I make the question smaller
“What could you do over the next month that would help you understand your options?”
That question invites an answer someone can act upon.
A young adult interested in healthcare might speak with people in three different roles. Someone considering a business career might take an introductory course and apply for an entry-level position. A graduate who feels lost might examine several actual job descriptions and identify which responsibilities seem appealing.
These steps will not settle an entire future. They can provide information that thinking alone cannot.
Reading about a profession offers one kind of understanding. Completing an assignment, observing a workplace, or speaking candidly with someone who does the work offers another.
Even an experience that reveals “I do not want to do this” can be useful—provided the young adult examines why and uses that knowledge in the next decision.
Look for meaning and mastery
I realize that when a client meets me through Career Counseling Connecticut, they are doing so with a different vantage point. I am not the judge. I am the help button. That makes all the difference.